Last week was a terrible week and I was very unhappy. As noted in my non-fiction book, “How To Make a Munchkin”, we have been trying to have a baby for a while. Of course we had high hopes it would happen this month…and then it didn’t…this has been happening almost every month and I’m starting to think I might never have one of those baby/parasite/munchkin things. Also I keep getting rejection letters from agents, even a Chinese one, which really bummed me out. I guess I thought she would understand the East meets West concept which I have not seen in vampire books yet.
While washing dishes in the lunch room at work I accidentally created a bubble which floated high into the air and it waltzed around up and down due to the AC current in the room. As I watched it glimmer with different colors, floating around so lightly; I wondered if it could feel any happiness or joy. It was probably happier than I was at that moment.
It was a ball of simple molecules, but for the brief few minutes it traveled through the air was it satisfied to be existing at all? I reflect on this as I wonder if I am always wanting too much and that makes me not enjoy the present moment I am living in.
Friends at work saw that I was so sad, so they gave me some roses which was very nice of them. After thanking them, I thought, “Now I have a new problem, I need to buy a vase!” I guess I’m too practical to ever be truly happy. Except when I’m eating Green Tea Kit Kats I think, because the sugar high freezes up my brain (yes, I know the brain has no nerve endings, trying to describe the sensation).
Then on the weekend I accidentally came across a Buddhist temple at Niagara Falls, so I went in to look and also bought a few books. There was a book about a woman who kept having dying kids and the explanation was that she had been a horrible baby murderer in her previous life. Of course, this made me wonder what I did in my previous life and if I had been a terrible person. Having a strong imagination is not an advantage when you read things like this…my Viking husband as usual talked some sense into me and told me to stop letting my imagination run away again…the message from the book was that if you are a good person, then good karma will happen. I want to think that I’m already a good person, but I guess being more conscientious of others, trying to better yourself and doing something good everyday is something one should strive for. This is the universal message in all religions, is it not? I must work harder then and hopefully good things will come my way!