Crap people say to you after your parents die #RIP #grief #loss #forgiveness

It’s been a busy week, planning for my mom’s funeral this Friday and suddenly my 105-yr old grandma landed in the hospital two days ago. Mom was the only one who could shove food down grandma’s throat and they were each other’s nemesis for the last forty years. Grandma has been struggling to survive for a while now, her body is getting weaker as time passes.

After learning about my mom’s death, a wave of comments from aunties and uncles crashed down on me, including:

  • “If you stayed with her, you could have saved her” (an elderly uncle fell at the same time who has no kids and for a moment me and my siblings where trying to deal with him when she suddenly died)
  • “Don’t kill yourself!” (I was depressed for many years after father died and have gotten somewhat better, not suicidal anymore at least. Thanks for the reminder)
  • Funerals are like weddings, I have to come to say goodbye to your mom!
  • Sue her family doctor! This was negligence in the healthcare system!
  • Don’t fight over money with your siblings! I want to mediate and we have to find a spouse for your single sibling!
  • I think we should talk, but you have to drive yourself to my house because I don’t have time to come to you.
  • At least she died not knowing she was sick, so she lived her life to the fullest!

Sadly, having experience the loss of my father before, I know that a lot of these comments are people dealing with their own grief and expressing it onto me. For people who say they want to help, but can’t really find time, it’s their choice. At the end of the day, I forgive and forget. My mother was very involved with family, friends and her community, so it’s a huge loss for everyone. May she give me strength to get through her funeral and grandma’s current hospitalization.