Becoming a Narcissistic Black Hole Writer…

Since I’ve started talking to more people about writing, publishing, etc.; I have discovered that many of them give me the impression that they are a bit narcissistic and a black hole who tries to suck you into their universe.

“The only way to write is to do this…”

“You can only find agents if you do this…”

“Who’s the most famous writer you know?  I guess it’s me…hahahaha!”

Well, how can you blame them?  Writing is such a solidarity activity as you sit at a desk and write without any interaction or dialogue with anyone else.  You may discuss your ideas generally with people, but you still have to do all the grunt work and crafting.

There is no worry that I’ll become like this as I have many forces around me keeping this from happening.

When I told my aunt that I was going to write a book, she said that I shouldn’t bother.  “You’re not famous and you’re not a celebrity.  Who’s going to read your shitty book?”  I’ve failed before I even tried to do anything.

For my fiction writing, my husband doesn’t say much, as he claims he isn’t a creative person.  But when I tell him about conversations I’ve had with friends and family on a daily basis, he counters with, “I can’t take any more anecdotal stories!  Give me data and stats!  What you are telling me defies logic!”  So any attempt to talk becomes a bantering exercise as he grew up with many debates around the dinner table.  He is also monitoring this blog to see what illogical nonsense I’m thinking about and what topics are available to challenge me with.  Sometimes I wished I married a stereotypical quiet Asian man instead, but that would be too boring I suppose.

Then there is this whole slew of medical tests for this parasite/munchkin making process.  There is nothing more humbling than to enter a little room on a daily basis for two weeks out of every month and having someone tell you to drop your pants/tights.  You are not in control at that point and the probing of the unspoken part begins.

My grandmother before she passed told me one day, “Do not think you are the best in anything.  There will always be people better than you, but there will always be people worse than you as well.  Do not become over confident and think you do not have to continue to work hard.”

I guess I’ll keep on trucking and put my pedal to the metal…or fingers on the keyboard…sigh…



2 thoughts on “Becoming a Narcissistic Black Hole Writer…

  1. Creativity is emotionally complicated for me, and it’s not even something that I am trying to do professionally. On the one hand, I pride myself in being a realist when it comes to my capabilities and what I can realistically contribute… on the other hand I find that believing I am doing something extraordinary is very motivating. So I find myself kind of stuck with either double-think or mood swings. I suppose the rich can hire an agent to be positive for them, and then spend more of their own time being critical. Or an editor to be critical, so they can spend their own time living in a narcissistic haze.


    1. I think this is an issue for every creative industry really. The creative people just want to make something that will have an influence on their audience and their agent/distributor/publisher wants to make sure that there is a product that people will buy. “Rich” or people who want to take on vanity projects will self-publish as one can buy packages that include editor and book printing so they can just make copies of their book and give away with pleasure. I would like to take a stab at doing this professionally, but it is daunting as I’m very new to this and feel like there are many walls to break down…


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